Sachenize yourself II: Magic Cubes / Dan Laser

Hello children, this time I'll introduce my favourite Sachen game: Magic Cubes (although the title screen calls it as Magic Cube... coherency, who needs it?) and a shooter called Dan Laser. Now please come with me... you don't want me to call the aether kavass.

MAGIC CUBES (or Magic Cube, whatever)
You know what's the best thing about this game? That is one of the few Sachen games that are actually good. Well, almost. Magic Cube (I'll call it that way from now on so I spare myself of writing the final S, the problem is that if I had written that final S I wouldn't be writing this long excuse right now, which means the review which will be longer that if I did include the final S...) is a Columns-style games, but with squares instead of... well, columns. Maybe it will be easier to understand if I show you a picture of it before going on.
There :-) You basically receive 2x2 blocks, one after another, and you must manage to get 3 or more figures of the same color to be together. Nothing surprising until now, aside of the form of the pieces. But that's where the problems begin. You weren't expecting a Sachen game to be flawless, didn't you? You see, this game doesn't shows you the next block, which makes playing it a pain in the ass, UNLESS you actually change the game settings (which are displayed as soon as you press start, thankfully)

Treasure? Assigned object?? Trick??? What the hell is going on? O_o

Okay, I suppose I'll have to explain these options. First you can select if you want to play against the computer (I don't know why would you want to do that since the computer will beat you everytime... believe me), play alone or play against a 2nd player. "Treasure" apparently makes several helps to come up at random. I recommend this to be selected, since you'll need those. There's an ice pick which will get rid of an entire line of blocks and a pack of dynamite which will get rid of several blocks too. Then we have the "Trick" option... which I have no idea what it means. And finally we have the "assigned object":

You got to love Sachen's Engrish.

Basically, this option will make the separation of levels to be much more noticeable, since you will not be able to advance unless you make a certain number of coincidences matching the drawings. If not activated, the game will just get progressively faster.
And now we're going to see the most funny part from Sachen games: their defects. Don't get me wrong, this game is playable (something I can't say of most of other games by Sachen). First of all, the game speed is quite uneven. Wherever you make a match, the animation that plays is a bit slow, which kind of messes with the flow of the game. It also messes with the music, which might get glitched for a few seconds.
Another problem of the game is how the pieces are too big for such a small playing area: if it wasn't for the occasional power-up (ice pics that melt some of the pieces) the game would be quite brief, since you rarely will be able to get rid of the four pieces every cube is composed of.

Magic Cube with the 'Assigned object' mode activated

All in all, this is one of the most playable Sachen games, specially if you can ignore the scratchy music that won't shut up, not even if you are in the pause mode - it'll just get replaced by an equally annoying song.

DAN LASER

Aaah Sachen on the Game Boy, an exercise on bad music and weird gameplay. Basically, Dan Laser is a simple vertically scrolling shooter with killing walls and uninspired enemies.

This game has two modes: on normal mode the powerups actually work: you start with a simple gun which progressively gets upgraded, while on Crazy Mode you start with the laser of the title. The powerups will only give you points then, and since points don't mean much on this game you can ignore them...

Probably the worse part of Dan Laser is not the gameplay, but the music. My God, that soundtrack! It tries to be epic like those cheesy songs hear don those pathetic Japanese robot serials from the 80s, but it ends being more dramatic than a Mexican soap opera starred by Verónica Castro.

Anyways, that is it for the time... and yes, it took me three years to finish this entry! :-P

Waixing junk extravaganza!

A few days ago, Taizou from Pirate Games Central (check out his cool website, http://fuji.drillspirits.net/. Try posting at his board to scare him, hehe) posted a lot of ROMs he found at a website run by the Chinese Famiclone company Subor. These ROMs were encrypted and with a WXN extension (WaiXiNg?). So, once again showing so awesome, this guy actually bothered himself to unecrypt the ROMs. So, citing him, "have some files": http://www.mediafire.com/?675buu2isdddi
You'll need EmuVT to emulate these games. You probably have it already, but in case you don't, here it is, courtesy of cah4e3: http://cah4e3.shedevr.org.ru/dumping/emuvt.rar
Taizou describes these files this way:

8位游戏合集数据包.rar - Original archive. Subor's servers are slow as hell so i'm rehosting it.
wxdec02.zip - Decryption program, for windows (requires .net framework 2.0). it can also attempt to convert .nes to EmuVT .bin but thats fairly preliminary
wxdec02src.zip - Source code. if anyone wants to improve it or anything.
wx-working.rar - All working roms, plus their original encrypted versions
wx-notworking.rar - Non working roms, including encrypted, decrypted .nes and .bin where applicable. one or two roms might have wrong names since I can't actually see the title screens in most cases, but I've tried to keep them fairly accurate.

Anyways, after this small introduction I decided to list all the games found on these zips and rars just because I'm bored, with several things I noted about them. I omitted the RPGs though, since they're in Chinese and they all suck anyways. So here we go:

Decrypted VT03 BINs

Battlefield - Night Stalker clone by Nice Code
Burrow - Alternate version of Burrow Explorer and Labyrinth by NC.
Discus Put - Disc throwing event from Track & Field (but remade from scratch) Throw the disc, qualify if you can (shoddy controls will give you lots of trouble) and then repeat the exact same thing over and over, without any changes.
Dune War - Original VT02 version was made in 2004 and it had a 'Nature Color' (NC's previous name) copyright. This version is dated 2007.
Enchanter - Same as Polar Bat from the DreamGear 75-in-1 but with different graphics. No Kunio-Kun this time.
Ghost Palace - Same as above, again with different graphics
Labyrinth - Night Stalker. Again, again.
Lucky Time - Pathetic Kaboom! clone made by NC, which goes under hundred of different names. I don't know which is the original, though.
Memory Test - The matching game which is known under hundred of names (since it lacks a title screen), now with 16-bit color. It still sucks, though.
Shooting - Track and Field's Clay Shoot event.
Shot Put - Track and Field's Hammer Throw event.
Silent Hunter - Weird submarine game. I don't know what you're supposed to do exactly.
Sniper - The umpteen Buzz Bombers rip-off, every version has different graphics and music but they all suck: Man In Red, Orchard Kavass, Archer, etc. This version, however, seems even easier than the rest of them. After you get pass the 9th level (which you will, after one or two minutes, since this game is so damn easy) it just goes back to the title screen, something which I have seen on several Waixing games. Lazy idiots. Oh, and the music is kinda nice.
Star Attack - Mediocre space shooter.
Star - Dominos (old Atari game) clone. The music is a remix of Waixing's Table Tennis soundrack.
Sur LC - Hack of NC's clone of Mattel's skiing game for the Intellivision, now it has weird graphics.
'Tetris' (AKA Magic Bubble, Strange Pop Pop, Russia, etc.) - Different graphics this time, it seems they went for a city theme this time. Greatly improved controls, so it's a little more playable this time, but it still sucks.

Decrypted mapper zero ROMs

100m Hurdles - Track and Field's hurdles event, BUT this time they simply ripped the game from the original game instead of programming a clone from scratch. Slightly different graphics, and of course it just goes back to the start after you finish.
Airial Hero - Alternate version of Harbor. (Airial? O_o)
Blob Man
Dringle - Is that Vegeta from Dragon Ball Z?

Eating - Umpteen version of NC's version of Shark! Shark!, with Waixing copyright and sounds taken from Jungletac's version of Track and Field. Really lousy and with music only comparable to the one from Inventor's hack of Lunar Ball.
Five Days - Alternate version of Strafe.
Hurry Burry
Ice Hockey - More Intellivision junk, with music ripped from Antarctic Adventure. Title screen refers to the game as 'Slap Shot'.
Mine - Minesweeper clone.
Plush Dog
Rocketman
Russia - Not Magic Bubble again, but a version of 'Falling Blocks' with a 2-player option. Also, 'Falling Blocks' itself is a trimmed down version of Poketetris.

'NES - Other stuff" (Non-working VT02 ROMs)

Attacking - Alternate version of Pulveration (with helicopters?)
Dark Castle
Five Kids - Alternate version of Wonder Rabbit, but here you can change characters just by pressing the select button. It starts from a different level, too.
Galaxy Killer
Little Hacker - Originally 'The Hacker' by Shenzen Nanjing, itself a hack of 'Felix the Cat' by Dragon Co.
Monkey King
Monster Brother - Another alternate version of Wonder Rabbit.
'Ping Pong' (AKA Table Tennis [Nice Code]) - I have this on a plug 'n' play ping pong paddle, so I can say its actual name is 'Table Tennis'. Completely impossible to play, the controls are just awful.
Tower of Doom - Its music sounds a lot like the title screen song of Jaleco's City Connection.
Volley Ball - More Intellivision games.

Non-working VT02/VT03 ROMs (>200k)

Add 'em Up
Baseball - Intellivision hack.
'Contra' (Super Contra 7)
'Crazy Racing' - Looks like some kind of Mach Rider clone.
Desert Storm
F22 - Trimmed down version of Inventor's F22. As typical of many Waixing games, it goes back to the title screen after finishing level 3 without warning.
'Motoboat Race'
Ocean Prospect
Penalty Kick
Plumber - A Mario Bros. clone.
'Super Fighting Spirit' - Super Contra 7, though it might be actually Super Fight 1 (the trimmed down version)
Tennis Ball
'Yong Bu Ke Dang' - Super Contra 7. Again, again.

Non- working VT02/VT03 ROMs (< 200k)

2d Escape
Access Block
Aether Fighter - Waixing's version of 'Earth Fighter' by Nice Code
Alienis
Apple Chess - Reversi game featuring a rendition of 'Oxygene' by Jean-Michel Jarre.
Archer - Buzz Bombers.
Archery - Track and Field's archery event.
Assart
Autoboat Contest
Backstroke - Hyper Sports' swimming event.
Bomb Time - Alternate version of Nice Code's Bomberman.
Boxes World - Sudoku game.
Boxing Wrestle
Brave Boy - Alternate version of Octopus.
Car Park
Cat Vs. Dog
Clever Way
Connect Pipe
Convection
Corridor - Alternate version of Moto Boat (AKA Awful Rushing and Pobble) by Nice Code. Catchy music.
Crawl
Cute Fish
Danger Zone
Defensive - Seems to be an alternate version of Garden War (AKA Resistant) by Nice Code.
Diamond (Waixing) - Arkanoid clone with better graphics and playability than NC's version, but with only one life and one level. When you either lose or finish the only level, you get booted to the title screen...
Dodgeball
Dragon Den - Another version of Polar Bat.
Edacity Snakes - Nibbles clone.

ET The Extra Terrestrial - Seems similar to Loop Tennis by NC.
Explorer - Looks like a mediocre Galaxian clone with God-awful music.
Final Fighter - Final Blood by Nice Code.
Fireman - A clone of Taito's 'Flying Hero' by Waixing with, guess what, only one level that boots you to the title screen after you finish it.
Fishing Superior
Football - Not real football, but just a hack of some American football game for the Intellivision.
Galaxy War - Aether Cruiser by NC.
Gem - Alternate version of NC's Mowing.
Germ Killer
Ghost Ship - Alternate version of Depth Bomb by Nice Code.
Goalkeeper
Hammal
Hell
Helli Mission
Highway Racing
Hitting Mices

Hitting
Horrible Area - Hack of the Intellivision port of Thin Ice.
Hot Speed
HQ Fighter
Hua Rong Dao
Kakuro Master
Lawn Purge
Magic Doors
Mars Worm
Master Chess - I'm sure this has nothing to do with chess.
Maze Puzzle - A 15-puzzle with a bit of Sachen's 'Auto-Upturn'. Catchy music.
Maze Treasure
M-Day - A Space Invaders clone.
Monster War - Alternate version of Pulveration by NC.
Over Speed Racing - Alternate version of Waixing's 'classic'. The title screen is the same, but in-game music and gameplay seem different.
Panda - Alternate version of NC's Abscondee.
Penguin
Pinball
Pop Master
Pulver - Pulveration with added music.
Radish Field - Waixing's version of Assart by NC.
Road Hero - Deformable by NC.
Robot
Santa Claus - Mad Xmas by Nice Code.
Sea-Man - Seamaid by Nice Code.
Shooting Ballons

Shudu - A sudoku game.
Slalom - A hack of Rare's Slalom made by Tec-Cube.
Slots
Solitarie
Square - A Tetris clone with a title screen inspired by Tengen Tetris.
Strong Pill
Super Tank
Super Ward (Mapper 3) - Another Kaboom! clone.
Super Ward - A shooter similar to Strafe and Five Days.
Table Tennis (Waixing) - It's the same pong clone by Waixing that's already dumped (it's on one of those Benshieng 4-in-1 multis), but with music from Guard Farm (the undumped Duck Hunt hack by Waixing, see a video of it here).
Tank
Twin Copters - Alternate version of Twin Fish.
Twin Fish
UFO Capture
Under Water Rescue - I think this was made by Tec-Cube.
Undersea - Alternate version of Nice Code's Bomberman.
Vectron
Warrior - Night Stalker.
Water Fire
Way Out
Xmas Gift

Well, I think that's it. See you next time, guys! :-)

Sachenize yourself I: Pyramid/Captain Knick Knack

Alright, it passed too much time since the last time I wrote something. When your house leaks everywhere, it's hard to focus. Anyways, in this occasion I'll start a series of what is going to be several small reviews regarding Sachen's junk. Maybe. I'm too lazy to start things for real.
Anyways, today I'm playing two of the abominations of our favorite Taiwanese company: Pyramid for the Famicom and Captain Knick Knack for the Game Boy.
So let's go!

PYRAMID

Creepy title screen for a puzzle game, huh? I bet Nintendo wouldn't have allowed that :-P Anyways, Pyramid starts fairly well: it gives you the option to turn off the music (oh, why Sachen never did the same for any of their other games??), chose the tarting level and guess what: the title music is actually good. Actually, why don't you listen at it now? Click here to download a MP3 of it.
Now, when you press Start is where the things get real confusing: after hearing a pieces of voice synthesis which greets you with a loud "FURIUFEE" (that's Chinese for "thy turkey's done") you realize Pyramid is a Tetris clone but with totally non-Tetris pieces. How so? Well, the pieces are TRIANGULAR. Who in God's name could come with something like that... Agh, even I know that was a stupid question. Now, this shouldn't be too much of a problem if it wasn't by the fact the pieces are too damn small. You'll need like twenty of them to fill a line and if you put one in the wrong place you're pretty much fucked.

Is that a tornado behind the pyramid?

Fortunately there's still hope for you: the game gives you 5 bombs which you can use to amend your mistakes. Just press B plus the up arrow to launch one.

The Pharaoh won't like this.

Now, in defense of this game I'll say that once you learn to play it, it becomes kinda fun. A draconian kind of fun, but fun still. If only they wouldn't come up with that freaking diamond-shaped piece!

This thing is sent by the Devil (AKA Sachen's programmers) to ruin your game.

CAPTAIN KNICK KNACK
This is probably the most strange shooter I seen in a bit. And I'm not saying that in the good sense. This monochrome GB game made in 1999 was apparently an attempt of Sachen to make a kiddie shooter, so instead of a spaceship or a helicopter you control a turtle. Yes, a turtle. Now, this could have been simply a boring and generic shooter, but noooo. They had to make it a torture for anyone daring to play it.

Wow! A turtle with cannons! It must be because of the Turtle Chow.

When you first start, you'll control a slow turtle (well, what other kind of turtles are anyways?) with two cannons (which is strange, because you can only fire one bullet and it comes from your mouth) and you must obviously evade everything that moves, which will be hard because your turtle is so big that it's hard to dodge enemy attacks. But what's more irritating about this game is the shooting style: it just doesn't works. When you press the button, our dear captain will either do nothing or it will shot a really low-range bullet which will do nothing against enemies. If you want to avoid getting killed every 5 seconds, the best you can do is keep the button pressed: for some reason, this will actually make it shot the right way. Unfortunately, every enemy take many shots to be killed (Does a scissor really needs 3 bullets to be killed? What a country!) and since there's no score what's the point of killing them anyways?

That UFO is coming to steal our floppies! D:

Finally, the game gives three chances to hide in your shell, making you invincible for a few seconds. Of course, it actually makes you look like if you were a UFO but who cares? Now you can touch anything you want. But then, sooner or later the unavoidable end will come once you fall asleep playing this game.

At least it's more fun than Atelier Iris 3.

Well, that's all for today. See you soon, my non-existent readers :-D

Unlicensed games MP3s

This time I don't have any review for you, but instead I have a couple of line-ins of the music of some unlicensed/pirate games. Enjoy! ;)

Duck (Bit 1987)
http://www.zshare.net/audio/924816911ad15725/

Colorful Dragon (Sachen 1990)
http://www.zshare.net/audio/92481802e9454342/

Skate Boy (Asder 1993)
http://www.zshare.net/audio/9248185325fa3cac/

Overspeed Racing/Highway Racing (Waixing 2005)
http://www.zshare.net/audio/92481959e5c7bc10/

Dream Gear 75-in-1 (Part 2)

I decided to break my routine of sitting around, so here I'm back with more crappy games from our friends at Waixing and Nice Code. And in case you're wondering, I'm sorry, but my schedule is too busy to teach how to draw the number two as good as me. Hope you can understand.
Now let's see more crappy games, shall we?

OCTOPUS
This is a strange maze game apparently starred by Ariel from The Little Mermaid (Ariel sounds like a man's name. Meh). This game uses the improved graphics the DreamGear hardware support, yet it doesn't shows: this game is plain ugly and meaningless. You have to guide Ariel (Ariel is a-- oh I already said that) through a maze and collect all the coins while avoiding a green thing who stalks you (I swear I had seen that gut before but I don't remember in which game) and a giant octopus. After collecting all coins you go to the center of the screen to grab a sword. This game is also known as "Sword boy". Next game, please.
ISLAND
Another "Nature Clan" game. There are several of these games on this ROM. They're all starred by the same guy from "Mirror Devil World". It seems the Waixing guys wanted to create a sage of bad games. This games reminds me a little of an obscure Technos game, actually the first they made: "Eggs", also known as "Scrambled Eggs". The objective here is to kick eggs falling from the sky to the sea while avoiding the bad guys who come from the hatched eggs. The levels ends abruptly, showing once more that Waixing is the Chinese version of Active Enterprises.
MAD XMAS
This game has an awesome plot: Santa Claus has a secret vice that hides from her wife, Merry Christmas. He's a pot addict. Unfortunately, it's hard to grow pot with such a harsh climate like the one on the North Pole. So, he makes a deal with the Devil: in exchange of an unlimited pot supply, he will have to fight God in the sky to put an end to his realm. After defeating God by throwing a sled to his forehead, Santa Claus realizes that if he becomes God, not only he will have an unlimited pot supply by the means of his magic powers: he will also govern the world with absolute power. Ignoring the deal he made with the Devil, he starts spreading his evilness to the world, starting with the little Timmy which is at home wishing Santa brings him a new bicycle. Santa realizes Timmy's wish and he immediately think: "You want presents, huh? You'll have your presents, little wanker". So he starts trowing shit at the little Timmy. Touch the rays or the bombs and you're dead. This is a really bad clone of "Kaboom!" for the Atari 2600 in case you haven't noticed. One curious thing about it is that the roller will fall at the same time as the lighting ray. And also, the difficulty of the game never increases. At all.

MAGIC BUBBLE
This has to be the most annoying Tetris clone ever! First of all, it lacks both animations and sound effects: it only has an annoying music loop, which is the same from "Octopus". And second, it has the most craptastic controls I've ever seen. And not just on a Tetris clone. Sometimes the piece will not respond your commands at all, and other times it will move at an outrageous speed. Also known as "Strange Pop Pop".
Oh, one more thing about this game: it lets you choose the falling speed, right? But if you select the 9th speed and you wait exactly 3 seconds, this will be the result:
I told you the controls were bad.

JUMPING KID
Not happy with ruining Tetris, these guys decided to mess with Circus Charlie. Oh, that's creative. This silly Circus Charlie clone has more levels than the original game, but it doesn't matters since the game only gets somewhat difficult starting with level 6. Most of the time you'll be jumping still frogs or elephants.
Oh God, I'm tired of this! I quit, I can't review all of these games. But don't worry, I'll be back soon to review more obscure games. Stay tuned.

Dream Gear 75-in-1 (Part 1)

If you read any of the websites seen on my links section, you probably know what the DreamGear is (and how bad their games are). In case you don't, I'll give you a brief description: DreamGear is a collection of portable Famiclones, normally without cartridge slot. These have either their own LCD screen or are embedded into a joystick for connection to a TV set. They run on modified NES hardware, known as OneBus, which is able to show as much as 16 colors per tile instead of 4. The games on these systems are not the typical games you find on multicarts. Instead they have their own games, produced by Chinese companies like Nice Code and Trump Grand, which absolutely suck in every sense, and that normally bear ridiculously funny names. And today you're going to see me playing the "best" of them :-D So, let's start!

AETHER CRUISER
Believe it or not, these Chinese guys seem to have an obsession for the word "aether". There are several DreamGear games bearing the word "aether" proudly, like if it meant anything for the 12-year-old boy wth a 100-word vocabulary whose parents gave him a DG console instead of whatever nowadays kids play. "Aether Cruiser" is a game where you can do just two things: shoot and die. After playing 2 minutes of this you'll probably want to try dying to change things a bit. Next!

PULVERATION
What's funny about these guys is that even if they're making supposedly original games instead of just pirating games from the eighties is that they can't avoid stealing either graphics, sounds or ideas from other games. "Pulveration" is just a really bad "Battle City" clone which seems to lack any kind of fortress to guard or a pause feature. Destroying the houses and buildings is more entertaining than attacking the other tanks, which lack any kind of AI. The only good thing about this game is that the level scrolls, but it doesn't matters since your tank moves so slowly.

GOBLET TOWER
Another thing these guys like to do is making version of old games, either real life games (like puzzles) or of old video games like Sokoban. This is a clone of Towers of Hanoi, where you must take the glasses from the left table to the right table in the least movements possible. You just do your thing, the games tells you "Win" and you're done. This game has no sound at all, making it a forgettable try at making a game. Next...

MIRROR DEVIL WORLD


"Mirror Devil World" is probably the most elaborated game in the entire system, which is not saying much. it's basically a bad clone of the Irem's arcade game, "Meikyuujima" (also known as "Kickle Cubele"), but with the most repetitive music you could ask for. You basically step on any of the already built blocks and press the A button to produce a block, then press the B button to throw it to form a road. Then you must go and step on the rectangular blocks below the devil mirrors (which will throw fireballs and rocks at you, just like any other devil mirror out there) to make it vanish. Complete the level and you're free to go to more boring levels of mirror-destroying action. I hope you're not superstitious.

DIAMOND


Doesn't this looks a little familiar? Oh, yeah, I know, it's a bad clone of "Pac-Man", right?
Bad jokes aside, this is a rip-off of "Arkanoid" programmed from scratch, which means it was completely ruined. First of all, these guys couldn't resist the temptation of putting their off-key music playing at all times, even on the title screen. You get like a thousand lives on this version, probably to cheer kids with low self-steem who can't get pass level 1 of the real game. And also, the ball psychics absolutely suck. With a little luck, your ball will make impossible moves and get rid of 30 blocks at once. Finally, on this version you don't need to destroy all blocks, you just need to touch the diamond with the ball and you're done. Curiously, level 4 still had the Space Invaders theme, they didn't bother to modify any of the levels.

ABSCONDEE

In case you're wondering what an "abscondee" means, it's a person who's escaping from something or someone. In this case, the abscondee would be you, which will escape from this game. You simply wander around a maze, picking color balls. Grab all the balls within the tight time limit and pass to the next level to pick more balls. Don't you dare touch those blades, if they start cycling they will make your little guy produce the most chilling sound ever.

FALLING BLOCKS

This Tetris clone is actually a hack of "Poketetris", which is found on a 4-in-1 multicart with Pokemon-themed games. See the guy in the middle of the screen? It was Pikachu on the original game, implying this clone has anything original, of course... But wait, it actually has something original: completely odd and awful pieces like the one in the picture! Unfortunately this is not the only successful attempt at making you hate such classic game like Tetris on this system.

POLAR BAT

Ready to help Kunio-Kun kick some bat ass? Well, though luck because in this game you don't control Kunio, you're just a kid who shots bats while jumping over snowballs.

Okay, in part 2 I'll show you more crappy games, including more Tetris clones, the typical Sokoban clone and more rip-off of old arcade games. Stay tuned!

Auto-Upturn (1991)

A bad games blog couldn't exist without reviewing at least one Sachen game. Am I the only one who likes to torture himself with these games? I hope so. Anyways, "Auto-Upturn" is a variation of the classic "Fifteen puzzle" (Wikipedia article), however in this case you wonder around the puzzle with your character (which changes with every level), picking the pieces of the picture and putting them in their correct place. Sounds easy, huh? Maybe, but it's made by Sachen, remember? So what could be a extremely boring puzzle game becomes a really bad and pseudo-pornographic puzzle game with really annoying music. So, what are we waiting for? Let's go.


By pressing start you get a cute cut-scene leading to level 1:

I never trusted dogs with sun burns. As you can guess, you control a cat on this level. I must admit he looks really cute. Unfortunately that's the only cute thing on this level: the dogs are a bunch of pricks who come out from nowhere and the sound effects will drive you crazy. So here's level one:

You get a completely scrambled picture of two cats watching the sunset and you must re-arrange the blocks to form the picture. By pressing Start you can see the correct picture all the times you want. However, starting from level 2 every time you press Start the picture will have its colors degraded more and more up to a point where it's almost useless, so you better have good memory.

Aren't they cute? The enemies change with every level too, of course. In level 1 you face the aforementioned beach loving dogs and bones who come up from nowhere and can spin pretty quickly. Every time they touch you not only you lose energy (you can get touched a few times, like 5 or 6, before losing a life) but you also get this annoying beeping which tells you you're having a brief moment of invincibility. The music restarts every time you come back from the pause, so I would advice you to turn down the volume. Now let's go to level 2:

It seems Christmas is early this year! :-D The next level is localized in New York, which as you know is infamous for having red-skinned punks and cactus vandals at every corner. This level picture is a postal of Santa in NY.

God, those guys are really ugly! No bicycle for you this year, red punk. This pic is somewhat harder to solve, but as I told you is important to have good memory. otherwise the picture will be rendered useless if you watch it too many times, like this:

Ugh. In the following levels, the degradation of the picture will hide important details.


We're done with level 2, thankfully. Let the bizarre pictures and the off-key music continue.

A drunken shark and a sailor being attacked. Shouldn't it be the other way around?

It's a boat picture this time. Again, pick a piece with the A button, avoid the octopus and the drunken shark and put it on the right place. I must admit the sailor looks cute too. Also, it seems these Sachen guys had a sense of humor. Too bad they didn't were as applied when composing music.


We're done with this. Level 4, please.

Okay, this is getting bizarre. What is attacking the panda? A radish with sun glasses? And what's that thing at the left? A dinosaur?... Meh, anyways, here's level 4:

On the Chinese Wall, waiting for the coins to fall... As you can guess we're in China now, and it seems they've been cropping transgenic vegetables, since the radish became alive and went on a sunglasses shopping spree and panda harassing madness. Form the picture of the Chinese Wall and you're done. Unfortunately it's not as easy as it sounds, those radish can spin pretty quickly.

Thanks God I'm done with the Chinese Wall. Unfortunately there are more puzzles to come, when will this nightmare end?!
I won't even bother coming up with a comment on this!

This level is extremely difficult, not only because the picture has too many details, but also because the blocks go white when you step on them, making impossible to see what block you're grabbing until you actually have it in your hands. This time we have a dragon.

Solving this thing was extremely difficult, to the point I actually ran out of time and I lost the game. Fortunately I saved the game before that, God bless save states. The game lets you continue from the level you lost, but you have to start the picture over, and I'm not doing that.


A green-haired Dracula being harassed by a green onion. Yeah, whatever. I just want to finish this damn game!

Suddenly this game got interesting. Well, not really, but the first time I played this game I was surprised to see nudity on it, considering how innocent it starts with cute cats and cute sailors. What I don't get is how Dracula has any relation to a half naked woman. Maybe she's waiting to be bitten by him? I censored the picture a little, but you're not missing much. Believe me.

Dracula looks cute too, even if his color palette is odd to say the least. Anyways, having finished with level 6 we go to what THANKS GOD is the last level of this game:

Here we have caught on tape the moment in which the famous mambo musician, Pedro Jiménez, was physically attacked with a triangle by a Martian man.

I actually think this might be the most beautiful picture in the whole game. It's like an artistic nude.


Seriously, what are those things? Are they aliens or are they supposed to be lizard tourists?


Thanks God, I made it!! I can't believe I actually went through all of it... And the worst of all is that your only reward for winning the game is this screen with a really off-key music in the background. After a few seconds, the games resets automatically and you can take it of your console and toss it to the garbage. Or sell it, it's probable that these things are rare and might actually worth some money. In any case, I'm done with this :-) If you want to see any game reviewed, just say so in the comments and I'll see if I can get it done for you. See you.