Dream Gear 75-in-1 (Part 1)

If you read any of the websites seen on my links section, you probably know what the DreamGear is (and how bad their games are). In case you don't, I'll give you a brief description: DreamGear is a collection of portable Famiclones, normally without cartridge slot. These have either their own LCD screen or are embedded into a joystick for connection to a TV set. They run on modified NES hardware, known as OneBus, which is able to show as much as 16 colors per tile instead of 4. The games on these systems are not the typical games you find on multicarts. Instead they have their own games, produced by Chinese companies like Nice Code and Trump Grand, which absolutely suck in every sense, and that normally bear ridiculously funny names. And today you're going to see me playing the "best" of them :-D So, let's start!

AETHER CRUISER
Believe it or not, these Chinese guys seem to have an obsession for the word "aether". There are several DreamGear games bearing the word "aether" proudly, like if it meant anything for the 12-year-old boy wth a 100-word vocabulary whose parents gave him a DG console instead of whatever nowadays kids play. "Aether Cruiser" is a game where you can do just two things: shoot and die. After playing 2 minutes of this you'll probably want to try dying to change things a bit. Next!

PULVERATION
What's funny about these guys is that even if they're making supposedly original games instead of just pirating games from the eighties is that they can't avoid stealing either graphics, sounds or ideas from other games. "Pulveration" is just a really bad "Battle City" clone which seems to lack any kind of fortress to guard or a pause feature. Destroying the houses and buildings is more entertaining than attacking the other tanks, which lack any kind of AI. The only good thing about this game is that the level scrolls, but it doesn't matters since your tank moves so slowly.

GOBLET TOWER
Another thing these guys like to do is making version of old games, either real life games (like puzzles) or of old video games like Sokoban. This is a clone of Towers of Hanoi, where you must take the glasses from the left table to the right table in the least movements possible. You just do your thing, the games tells you "Win" and you're done. This game has no sound at all, making it a forgettable try at making a game. Next...

MIRROR DEVIL WORLD


"Mirror Devil World" is probably the most elaborated game in the entire system, which is not saying much. it's basically a bad clone of the Irem's arcade game, "Meikyuujima" (also known as "Kickle Cubele"), but with the most repetitive music you could ask for. You basically step on any of the already built blocks and press the A button to produce a block, then press the B button to throw it to form a road. Then you must go and step on the rectangular blocks below the devil mirrors (which will throw fireballs and rocks at you, just like any other devil mirror out there) to make it vanish. Complete the level and you're free to go to more boring levels of mirror-destroying action. I hope you're not superstitious.

DIAMOND


Doesn't this looks a little familiar? Oh, yeah, I know, it's a bad clone of "Pac-Man", right?
Bad jokes aside, this is a rip-off of "Arkanoid" programmed from scratch, which means it was completely ruined. First of all, these guys couldn't resist the temptation of putting their off-key music playing at all times, even on the title screen. You get like a thousand lives on this version, probably to cheer kids with low self-steem who can't get pass level 1 of the real game. And also, the ball psychics absolutely suck. With a little luck, your ball will make impossible moves and get rid of 30 blocks at once. Finally, on this version you don't need to destroy all blocks, you just need to touch the diamond with the ball and you're done. Curiously, level 4 still had the Space Invaders theme, they didn't bother to modify any of the levels.

ABSCONDEE

In case you're wondering what an "abscondee" means, it's a person who's escaping from something or someone. In this case, the abscondee would be you, which will escape from this game. You simply wander around a maze, picking color balls. Grab all the balls within the tight time limit and pass to the next level to pick more balls. Don't you dare touch those blades, if they start cycling they will make your little guy produce the most chilling sound ever.

FALLING BLOCKS

This Tetris clone is actually a hack of "Poketetris", which is found on a 4-in-1 multicart with Pokemon-themed games. See the guy in the middle of the screen? It was Pikachu on the original game, implying this clone has anything original, of course... But wait, it actually has something original: completely odd and awful pieces like the one in the picture! Unfortunately this is not the only successful attempt at making you hate such classic game like Tetris on this system.

POLAR BAT

Ready to help Kunio-Kun kick some bat ass? Well, though luck because in this game you don't control Kunio, you're just a kid who shots bats while jumping over snowballs.

Okay, in part 2 I'll show you more crappy games, including more Tetris clones, the typical Sokoban clone and more rip-off of old arcade games. Stay tuned!